butter, juice, mayo, bbq sauce .. and mystery bottle...

where's the beer?

(I know who's fridge this is too..  he needs to go shopping I think )

ok.. I swear I did this once before.. maybe it was on 360? I cannot locate the blog.. so .. since Jeff tagged me.. (thnx!  but it also does give me something to do! )  I will post 10 random things.. but in the end I am not tagging anyone cept those who wish to be random also!  lol!

Ok .. here goes.. 10 random things about me:

1. I have to sleep with a pillow over my head as well as under.. unless I am on my stomach.. then it's only one pillow over my head and the other is tossed aside.

2. am deathly scared of heights.. I cannot climb up on a stool, ladder, house, etc.. thus explains why I am only 5'5".. too scared to grow taller! lmao!

3. my first car I bought and paid for was a Ford Granada.. which I took 4 wheeling one day and sunk in a huge puddle..had to walk to nearest town and call a tow.  water drained out the whole way back to town .. had water in oil even..! well , hell, it went thru the first two puddles.. so I figured keep going! lol!  Bought me a truck then and went back out to same puddles and lost my flood lights and licence plate that time. (but my actual first car was a 68 Volkswagon Bug.. grandpa bought it)

4. I wanna be a monster truck driver when I grow up.. hehehehe

5. scared of spiders.. they just freak me out ( and ticks fall into that 8 legged category also!)

6. I collect stamps and coins.. not in any particular order mind you.. I throw the coins in a box and have several books of stamps but they aren't actually posted in the books.. they are just gathered there in a huge pile inside the books.. waiting for me to do something with them. 

7. I have a ghost in my house.. damn sure of it.

8. I love to read..I'm a book worm! I belong to about 6 different book clubs and am always ordering new books.. which I haven't read half of the library I now own!  someday I will read them all.. or not.. because I will probably get Old timer's and read the same damn book over and over and over ... roflmao!.

9. I have been in two car accidents with the same car.. 89 Monte Carlo SS.. was a beautiful car.. til the second wreck.... both accidents were in the  same year just months apart. First one I was on way home on Interstate 70 and semi in front of me locked it up and started to jack knife because of a stupid idiot in front of him.. I was in fast lane couldnt go anywhere but the center ditch.. played the Dukes of Hazzard I tell ya.. the guy behind me too.. but he flipped... I just broke a tie rod (and my sternum and my elbow. ) Second wreck.. head on crash with a drunk.. I drove car home but the insurance people totalled it. Drunk went to hospital( and then jail I hope. )

(Whew! I cannot think of 10 random things.. or odd ones.. and that's funny cause I am very odd!  ROFLMAO! )

10. I love to go hiking .Just give me a trail and let me go!

 

There.. I'm sure there's probably plenty more things that are random and odd..  but we'll just start with these  10!

 

Hell broke loose yesterday in Georgia, as new evidence surfaced suggesting the Devil may have won the Fiddle contest some 20 years ago.

An elderly gentleman who witnessed the event came forth  yesterday morning with and audio tape and a 8 track player. Allegedly, Johnny, the Devil's opponent had implanted the sound device into a hickory stump near the site of the  now infamous fiddle duel. The tape contains  backing music that supposedly accompanied Johnny's fiddle concerto.

Having such  accompanionship without disclosure would surely be grounds for disqualification. The new findings have promted the Devil ti declare himself the winner of the match. His Evilness also filed lawsuit, accusing Johnny of fraud. He is seeking compensation and punative damages--mainly the shiny fiddle made of gold and Johnny's soul.

"I was way behind in soul gathering efforts for eternal damnation," said theDevil. "So I bet a fiddle of gold against his soul because I believed I was better than him. Bot , I was actually surprised when he beat me."

The Devil continued, " So I 've long suspected he had some how known that I would be arriving to challenge  his fiddle playing. This new evidence confirms my suspicion."

Upon hearing the new findings, Johnny denounced  the Devil and his claims. " I dont told the Devil twice, that son of a bitch, that I'm the best there's ever been! This new bunch of hogwash that ya'll call evidence doesn't change any of that! "

Added Johnny: " Chicken in the  bread pan pickin out dough!"

The famed match has long been a great debate among music critics. Many have held that the music styling of the Devil were far superior to that of Johnny's. 

" Once a band of demons joined in with the Devil, it was pure fiddle magic, " says Mark Wall , seniour editor of Rolling Stone magazine. " I'll have to give the Devil his due, upon review of the amateur audio of that time, it was clear the Devil 'schooled' Johnny."

Other experts contend the whole match whould have been thrown out  altogether due to the illegal use of  bow rosin, as outlawed in the  1939 Supreme Court case of the Devil vs. the  State of Nebraska.

The lawsuit is slated to be heard in the Georgia Magistrate Court in October. So far, no plea bargin has been made, and no rematch has been set either.

consider this:

you can be SH*T  faced, be SH*T out of luck, or have SH*T for brains.

With a little effort you can get your SH*T together, find a place for all your SH*T or decide to SH*T or get off the pot.

You can smoke SH*T, buy SH*T, sell SH*T, lose SH*T, find SH*T, forget SH*T (C.R.S. people), and tell others to eat SH*T and die.

You can SH*T or go blind, have a SH*T fit, or just SH*T your life away.

People can be SH*T headed, SH*T brained, or SH*T on.

Some people know thier SH*T and others can't tell the difference between SH*T and shineola.

There are lucky SH*Ts, dumb SH*Ts, crazy SH*Ts, and sweet SH*Ts.

There's bullSH*T, horse SH*T, and chicken SH*T.

You can take a  SH*T, give SH*T, or serve SH*T on a shingle.

You can throw SH*T, sling SH*T, catch SH*T, or duck when SH*T hits the fan.

You can find yourself in deep SH*T, or be happier than a pig in SH*T.

Some days are colder than SH*T, some are hotter than SH*T, and some days are just plain SH*Tty.

Some music sounds like  SH*T, things can  look like SH*T, and there are times when you feel like SH*T.

You can have too much SH*T, not enough SH*T, the right SH*T, the wrong SH*T, or a lot of wierd SH*T.

You can carry SH*T, have a mountain of SH*T,  or find yourself up SH*T creek without a paddle.

Sometimes you really need this SH*T and other times you don't want any SH*T at all.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to SH*T and other times you could jump in a lake of SH*T and come out smelling like a rose.

SH*T!!! When you stop to think about it, it is the building block of all creation!

And remember, once you know your SH*T, you don't need to know anything else.

 

 

now a little story:

(background on the letter... a firm in Germany ordered coffee from an US company. On route a couple bags broke open and the rats nested in the coffee. The following letter was recieved concerning the condition of the coffee.)

 

Schentlemens,

Der last two pechetshes ve got  uf Koffee from you vas mit Rttschidt gemixt. Der Koffee may be gut enuff, but der Ratturds schpoils  der trade! Ve did not see der  rattschidt in der samples mit vich you sent for examinashun.

It takes so much time to pek der tratturds from der Koffee!

Ve ordered der kleen koffee and you schipt schidt mixt mit der Koffee. It was a mistake, Ja? Ve would like you to schipp us der Koffee in von sak and der schidt in der  udder sak, den ve mix it to soot our kustomer.

Write bitte, if ve should schipp der schidt bek und keep der Koffee or if ve should schipp  bek der Koffee and keep der schidt, or if we should schipp bek the whole schidden verks bek?

Ve vant to do rite on dis madder, but ve don't like this rattenschidet  bizziness.

With much respeckts

Karl Grumschidd

 

 

 well I can't leave it at that....

one more  story with an important lesson to be learned!

Once upon a time there was a sparrow that hated to fly south for the winter. The thought of  leaving his home was too much to bear that he decided he would delay his journey until the last possible moment. After bidding a fond farewell to al his sparrow friends, he went back to his nest fo an additional four weeks.

Finally the weather turned so bitterly cold that he could not stay on. As the sparrow took off on his flight south, it began to rain and ice formed on his tiny little wings.  In a short time, he was almost dead from cold and exhaustion and fell to earth. He landed in a barnyard. As he was breathing what he thought was his last breath, a horse walked out of the barn and proceeded to cover the little bird with fertilizer. At first the little sparrow could think of nothing other than, "what a horrible way to die!"

But as the fertilizer started to sink into his feathers, it warmed him and life began to return to his little body. He also found he had enough room to breathe. Suddenly the sparrow was so happy he began to sing! At that momen a cat entered the barnyard.

Hearing the singing of the little bird, the cat began to dig in the pile of fertilizer and uncovered the bird and ate him.

Now this story has 3 morals:

Not every one who SH*Ts on you is your enemy.

Not every one who takes SH*T off of you is your friend. 

When you are warm and comfortable, even if it is in a pile of SH*T, keep your mouth shut!

 

 

There in lies the lessons for the day.  I hope you all have a wonderful day!  

post script...

copied from dirttracerswife's page... 

I finally found it!!! woo hoo!

 

the Story of Jack Shit!

 

For some time many of us have wondereded who is jack shit?
we find ourselves at a loss when someone says You dont know Jack Shit!
Well thanks to my efforts you can respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Shit  is the only son of Awe Shit who married O. Shit, the owner of Knee deep N Shit Inc.
In turn Jack Shit married Noe Shit. The deeply religious couple had six children: Holie Shit, Giva Shit, Fulla Shit, Bull Shit, and the twins Deep Shit, and Dip Shit.
Deep Shit  married Dumb Shit a high school drop out.
After 15 yrs. Jack and Noe Shit got divorced and she married Ted Sherlock and became Noe  Shit Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Shit marreid Loda Shit and had a rather nervous dispostion named Chicken Shit.
Fulla Shit and Giva Shit married the Happens brothers and had a double wedding. The newspaper invited everone to the Shit-Happens wedding.
Bull Shit travled the world and returned home with an italian bride. Pisa Shit.
So from now on, no one can tell you that you dont know Jack Shit..................

Today the world was stunned by the news of the death of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred approximately 8:42 PM last evening. Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going, and going and going, "Pinkie" as he was known to his friends and family was alone at the time of his death. An emergency autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief Medical Examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone had put the bunny's batteries in backwards and he kept coming, and coming, and coming...

Element: Woman

Symbol: WO

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118 but is known to vary from 100 - 160 lbs.

Occurence: Surplus quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:
1) Surface usually covered in a painted film.
2) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3) Melts if given proper treatment.
4) Bitter if used incorrectly.
5) Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.

Chemical Properties:
1) Possesses great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and other
precious
metals.
2) Able to absorb great quantities of expensive substances.
3) May explode spontaneously if left with a MALE.
4) Insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increased by saturation in
alcohol.
5) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

Uses:
1) Highly ornamental especially in sports cars.
2) Most poweful money-reducing agent known to man.
3) Can be a great aid in relaxation.

Tests:
1) Pure specimen turns a rosy tint if discovered in natural state.
2) Turns green if placed beside a better specimen.

Caution:
1) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2) Illegal to possess more than one except in certain areas.

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

 
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right
 and you need to shut up.
 

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
 Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
 minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

 (3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm.  This means something, and
 you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end
 in fine.
 

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
 
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
 misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and
 wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you
 about nothing.   (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

 (6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can
 make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before
 deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
 
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say
 you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she
 says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at
 all.    DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... that will bring on a "whatever").

 (8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F*cK YOU!
 
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is
 now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's
 wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3.

I dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but
Thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the
Beep. If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes."
~~~~~
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
~~~~~

My wife and I had words,
But I didn't get to use mine.
~~~~~
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
~~~~~
Blessed are those who can give without remembering
And take without forgetting.
~~~~~
The irony of life is that, by the time
You're old enough to know your way
Around, you're not going anywhere.
~~~~~
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think
Of an answer for her first question.
~~~~~
I was always taught to respect my elders,
But it keeps getting harder to find one.
~~~~~
Every morning is the dawn
of a new error.
~~~~~

The Value of a  Drink "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel  shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers In the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams.  If I didn't drink this wine they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.   Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their Dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell Happened to your bra and panties. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they Wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " ~Frank Sinatra WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.